A large portion of the human world believes in love, while the other part considers it nothing more than a myth. The degree of truth in this statement is unknown. But we do know for sure that every relationship has its ups and downs. No matter how perfect a couple seems, even if they are married, they do have their downs too. The celebrity couples that appear to have a love life that seems too good to be true for everyone else usually is. It’s a fact that these down times make a relationship stronger...if we can survive them. However, the process of not letting these bad moments ruin your relationship is difficult to do.
In order to get the best out of these moments of disagreement, betrayal, lack of communication, infidelity or other common problems we suggest that you see a marriage counselor as soon as possible. It’s imperative to take positive steps towards a better relationship before the relationship is severely damaged. Often, by the time people feel the need to see a counselor, the relationship has reached a hurting state.
Here is our little guide to help you with your process of marriage or couples counseling.
When to go to a counselor
The most vital part of marriage counseling or couples counseling is to go at the right time. Don’t start your counseling search after your relationship has gone past the stage of getting repaired. Yes, it’s best to try and solve relationship issues on your own but sometimes the matter can get out of hand and cause negativity between two people. Things like infidelity can seriously harm the trust and ultimately the bond in a relationship. Try to get the damage fixed as soon as possible. Even if there is no major issue as such, family counseling and marriage counseling will help you achieve a healthier relationship which benefits both the people in the relationship.
Which counselor to choose
The person you choose is going to play a very major role in the process. Of course, the therapy won’t be of any use unless both the partners are comfortable with their choice of counselor. Similarly, you need to open up about a very private part of your life. This won’t be possible unless you actually like the person and trust them with their work. Opt for someone that both the partners are happy with. Along with that, do not tie yourself to a long term commitment with the counselor. Some family counselors make you sign an agreement for attending a certain number of sessions. It’s better to have the sense of freedom so that you can quit whenever you feel like the counselor doesn’t suit your needs.
Get comfortable with your counselor before the sessions start. Get to know about your counselor. Their name, educational background, experience, and other basic information that’ll make you comfortable enough to open up to them. In case your counselor refuses to answer you, reconsider your choice. How can you trust someone to know about your entire love life if they won’t tell you the most basic information about their work. Your counselor needs to be someone who will genuinely help you solve your problems. We are a Scottsdale counseling office and our therapists specialize in marriage counseling and family counseling .
The first day you step into the therapy session, be clear of your outcomes. What results do you expect from this counselor as a couple? It’s important that you pay attention to your partner’s expectations of the counseling too. Sometimes couples would go into sessions only to solve a certain issue. Once they feel like they have achieved that goal, they give up their counseling sessions. This is a huge mistake. Once you’re in it, only get out once you’ve got the best results. Fixing one or two issues won’t lead to effective results. Your aim should be to reignite the love you had at the time you got married.
Your counselor should ask you of your goals too. You can discuss this topic with your partner. With a set goal in mind, the counselor will have a guiding path and you’ll know which road to go on as well. These goals may change as the sessions proceed but it’s always best to start with mutual outcome goals for more effective counseling.
Make an effort yourself
The marriage counselor is just a bridge that’s going to show you the way to the bright side. A counselor isn’t going to hold your hand to walk you through that bridge. Keep in mind that marriage counseling is only a helping hand, the real effort has to be made by the couple themselves. No counselor will be able to fix the damage of infidelity or other such problems if the two people in the relationship aren’t willing to fix things. Similarly, no marriage counselor will ignite the love between the two partners except the two themselves. The marriage counselor will only give suggestions. It’s you who implements these suggestions and tries to extract the positive from them.
Your effort will be most effective if you learn during the sessions. That’s the time when listening to what your faults are is just as important as when you tell the other person of their faults. Once you listen, you learn what’s wrong in the relationship. This is the time you make a decision about fixing that particular issue. Outside the office, you only have to implement it.
Looking for marriage counseling is nothing to be ashamed of. Just like people go to the gym to keep their body healthy, marriage counseling is your way of keeping a healthy relationship. Start looking for a counselor today for a happier and healthier marriage. Fix issues like infidelity, betrayal, lack of trust, and poor communication through the process of marriage counseling. We offer a team of top rated Scottsdale counselors to help you repair your marriage.